Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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