I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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