If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i think my cat just said my name.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
