get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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