yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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