We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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