get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
