Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
