also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
