im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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