my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
