Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
