so explain again why im purple
no
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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