It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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