turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
