wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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