I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
