I hope mine doesn't look like that
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
