He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize