textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
