'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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