I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
