my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
