Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
