OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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