we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
