Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
