The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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