i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
