Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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