if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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