im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
