final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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