he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
