I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
