u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
