In America we eat man semen.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
