The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
