When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
sarcasm needs its own font
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
