Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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