you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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