i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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