Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
