I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
