Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
