why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
