dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
