I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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