dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i think i have herpe
just one?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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