So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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