just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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