I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
