sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This is my gift to your gina
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
