I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
