dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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