sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
PANTIES FOUND
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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