Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
