I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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