kristin has been a bad kristin
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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