Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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