Don't you send me to vm
what day is it and did you see me today?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
