He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
