but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
