Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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