He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize