porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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