lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
