the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
