he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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