I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
fuck your aforementioned shoe
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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