I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
