you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
