He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
