Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
